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Inclusivity Tips for Each Type of Wedding Vendor

Over the years working as an openly queer person in the wedding industry and advocating for better treatment of LGBTQ+ nearlyweds, I’ve found one thing to be consistently true: most vendors want to be more inclusive but don’t know where to begin. 

I talk often about simple changes that any vendor can make, like using correct pronouns and removing gendered language from contracts. To build on that,  I’m sharing inclusivity tips specific to several categories of wedding vendors. Each of these tips come from my own experiences as a queer person who married another queer person and the experiences of the many clients I’ve worked with. 

Implementing these tips is a win-win for making your services more flexible and accessible for everyone getting married. 

Alterations

Train staff on tailoring for all bodies of all sizes and shapes, especially trans and nonbinary folks. Don’t comment on what’s “flattering” about outfits, just ask for each client’s preferences and what feels good to them. For example, finding gender affirming wedding wear is one of the hardest parts about wedding planning as a queer person. Inclusivity in your role has the ability to do so much good in this industry.

Bakeries and cakes

Ditch the term and idea of a “groom’s cake.” If partners both want cakes, then they both want cakes. One doesn’t have to automatically be fancier, and even if they do want one fancy and one silly one, it doesn’t have to be attributed to a specific person. 

Catering

Train servers and staff to not refer to people by Sir, Ma’am, Mrs., Mr., Ms., or any other gendered titles. Someone’s appearance does not define their gender, and being misgendered by a server feels awful, even if it’s supposed to be out of respect. It’s still possible to provide excellent service by just saying “excuse me” or “hello” when greeting guests.

Décor

Similarly to planners, don’t assume one partner will be more interested in decorations than the other. Keep communications open with both partners throughout the whole process unless they explicitly ask you to only work with one of them. It’s not just one person’s wedding day. All nearlyweds deserve to have their voices heard about the look and feel of their celebration. 

DJs

Don’t make assumptions about whether parent dances are going to happen or who they will include. Ask your clients if they’ll be dancing with anyone special, and remember, chosen family is just as valid as blood relatives. For example,  LGBTQ+ nearlyweds can have complicated relationships with family, so please be careful not to make them feel bad about things outside of their control. 

Bonus Tip: Please learn and use the pronouns of anyone you’re announcing in, including wedding party members. 

Florists

Offer personal floral options beyond the bouquet/boutonniere binary. Each wedding is different, and each wedding party is different. Flower crowns, floral lapels, and other custom pieces are also great options to offer to everyone. Not only do they mix things up and let you show off your artistry and creativity, but they also allow nearlyweds and their loved ones to express themselves more authentically. 

Hair and makeup

Never assume who does or doesn’t want makeup or hair styling. Communicate with your clients and be ready to glam any face and hair, no matter their gender expression. If you or your team aren’t already comfortable working with all types of skin and hair, it’s time to update your training. 

Invitations and stationery 

Ask your clients what names they’d prefer to be used on their invites and which order they’d like their names in. Not everyone’s legal name that they sign contracts with is the same as what they use with their friends and loved ones. Some couples might take one last name, swap last names, or even create new last names. Never assume and always ask with an open mind.

Jewelers

Market ring designs as “for anyone,” not by gender. Let clients mix styles, metals, and stones without weird commentary. Don’t assume that only one partner will want to wear an engagement ring or that every pair of wedding bands will have one thin band and one thick one. 

Officiants

Offer customizable ceremony scripts to fit different cultural backgrounds, personality types, and styles of humor. The more you get to know your clients, the better you can create a special, tailored experience for them. Since you lead the ceremony in front of all their guests, make absolutely sure you understand what they want out of their day and how they want to be referred to. Please use the right pronouns! You set the tone for the whole day.

Photo booths

Have a selection of prop options that clients can choose from. Don’t make the little “bride” and “groom” signs a mandatory inclusion. They’re a cute option, but not the right fit for every wedding. If you have a booth attendant, make sure they’re trained to not assume relationships between guests. Let people grab the props they want and pose how they want, not the way you assume they should.

Photographers, videographers and content creators

Avoid using one person as a visual accessory to the other when posing. I am a photographer myself, and I could write a novel on ways we can better serve our clients. If I had to pick just one thing I could beam directly into every photographer and videographer’s brain, it would be this. I’ve coined this situation “Accessory Posing,” and written an in-depth breakdown of what it is and how to correct it for Love Inc. 

Planners

Ask both partners how they’d like to be involved in planning. Don’t assume every wedding will follow “bride and groom” planning tasks or expected levels of involvement. Talk to your clients and get a feel for what is important to each of them about the day and how they plan on working together with your team.

Bonus Tip: When working with LGBTQ+ clients, be extra careful to only refer or suggest vendors that are truly inclusive and LGBTQ+ friendly.

Reception venues 

If you offer an on-site getting-ready space, offer two equally comfortable spaces. I understand how difficult a remodel this can be, especially for historic properties or those that have limited space. But it’s so sad the amount of times I’ve seen a gorgeous, air-conditioned, bright, beautiful “bridal” suite while their partner gets shoved in a storm shelter in the basement (yes, that specifically has actually happened). All couples deserve equal spaces to prepare for their big moments. 

Bonus Tip: Have at least one gender neutral bathroom for guests. This is also helpful for families with children!

Wedding Attire

Research and have a list prepared of other places to direct clients to when you can’t meet their needs. I understand creating or selling wedding attire comes with specializing, and not every store can carry every kind of outfit, but if you’re a dress-only store, have referrals ready for suit specialists or mixed attire sources who can work with all body types. 

Bonus Tip: Train staff to treat all clients the same, regardless of their physical appearance or gender.

Flexibility, equality and progress: tips for celebrating all kinds of love

Ultimately, these tips fall into a few categories: 

• be flexible 
• don’t make assumptions 
• treat partners equally

If every wedding vendor added these three values to their services today, the wedding industry of tomorrow could be so much more welcoming and comfortable for all. Happy Pride!